MORRISTOWN, N.J. — Local punk band formerly known as Shit Boy changed their name to Red Bump Eyelid Symptoms, hoping to convert frequent Google searches into an audience base, members of the band confirmed.
“I have this fatty bump, right? So I just kept Googling and scaring myself until it hit me–if someone looked up our band as much as I’ve been looking at gross-ass eyes, we might be able to get some streams on our songs,” explained guitarist and lead singer Mikey “Rat” Stevens while pointing to his own mysterious eyelid irritation. “Maybe book a gig outside of New Jersey. Who knows? The possibilities are kind of endless. I always hear people talking about SEO or whatever, but man, I’m starting to get why they care so much about it. Do you think I should go to urgent care for this thing? It burns whenever it’s in direct sunlight, and it’s starting to stink.”
Fans, however, were less receptive to the recent rebranding.
“I miss the days when they were just Shit Boy,” lamented longtime fan and girlfriend of the drummer Alison Van Noys. “They used to be all about the music, man. I miss that purity. What are we even doing here? Hijacking a search engine? That’s so normie. And now they can’t stop changing their name, so I have all this useless dead-stock merch covered in their old attempts at relevance. Nobody wants a ‘Cheap Mechanics Near Me’ shirt. I have a stack of ‘Why Does My Closet Smell’ hoodies that I just give out as birthday presents.”
WebMD spokesperson Emma...
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Published by: Book Club