Attachment parenting is one of the most talked about and controversial parenting theories today. The common view is that it causes parents to become slaves to their children, but the goal of attachment is actually the opposite.
Kids in the House interviewed renowned psychologist and well-known author Dr. Gordon Neufeld to find out more.
Here are 4 things you may not know about attachment parenting theory.
#1 – Attachment is not formed at birth, it evolves
According to attachment parenting theory, the bond between parents and children forms in the first six years of a child’s life. The successful formation of this bond depends on frequent physical attachment in the first year, and evolves into complete emotional and psychological intimacy by age 6.
#2 – A child cannot be too attached but they can be insecurely attached
Many people associate attachment parenting with the image of a clingy, dependent child. However, this type of behavior is often the result of a child who is insecurely attached and desperate for their parents’ attention.
According to Dr. Gordon Neufeld, “A child can be too insecurely attached, a child can be too superficially attached, [but], if a child is deeply attached through a sense of belonging, loyalty, and emotional intimacy, they have many ways of holding on when physically apart. The more deeply attached a child is, the more they can separate physically.”
#3 Attachment is the root of obedience
“By [age 3] a child becomes preoccupied with belonging and loyalty and that’s when the obedience instincts begin,” explains Dr. Neufeld.
Although you cannot control your child’s temperament, you can control the depth of your parent-child connection. A child that is more connected to their mother or father trusts their parents and tries to please them. This is the root of obedience.
#4 A strong attachment sets the stage for the rest of parenting
The strength of the parent-child bond plays a large part in how effective parents are in influencing their children later in life. When parents listen and respond to the needs of their child, the child will learn to be attentive to the needs of their parents.
At age 6, if the parent-child attachment is secure, the child will open up their inner world and want to share everything with their parents. Once that level of psychological intimacy is achieved, the level of trust will stay with the child throughout their entire life. This is what sets the stage for the rest of parenting.
