Becoming a father for the first time is a momentous life event for many men, and it represents a major change in their lifestyle, priorities, and relationships. While the arrival of a new baby is often a cause for celebration, these changes can also take a toll on both parents' mental health – not just the mother's. Contrary to common knowledge, fathers can also suffer from postpartum depression, and men can greatly benefit from mental health services prior to and immediately after becoming a father.
Verve Psychotherapy is an online mental health therapy provider specializing in men's issues, including new fatherhood. Founded by Matthew Braman, LCSW, LCSW-C, it provides therapy services for new dads and their partners, helping them adjust to the challenges of new parenthood and improve the relationships between the couple and between parent and child.
According to Braman, the completely new experience of fatherhood can end up overwhelming men. Many men have no personal experience or a trusted guide in performing the role of a father, so they often end up learning through doing. Generational trauma also plays a role, and the absence of a positive father figure growing up can result in a distorted view of fatherhood.
The most common challenge faced by new fathers is how to soothe a crying baby, as well as meeting their physical needs, such as feeding, burping, or changing a soiled diaper. These tasks are a shared responsibility by both parents, and may require significant behavioral adjustments to get right. Mothers should also be mindful to allow and encourage the father to participate in the parenting process, which can help them feel involved and needed in the new family's dynamics.
New parenthood also has a huge impact on work-life balance, with both parents struggling to juggle work and family responsibilities. Parental leave allocations in the US are much shorter than in other Western countries, with paternity leave often even shorter than maternity leave. The need to return to work, which is often seen as a high priority by many men and their employers, could hinder the formation of an emotional bond between father and child. Furthermore, parents can also feel grief about having to step back into a work environment much sooner than they would like to.
Having to part so early with a new baby can bring sadness and frustration to many parents. These are exacerbated by systemic factors in the US, and Braman believes there is a need for awareness building that drives social and political action to create change. He says these social policies have an impact on the everyday life of parents, and they should be aware that who they vote into positions of power are the ones that can influence and change said policies.
Another common but often unspoken challenge for new dads, Braman says, is a delayed emotional connection with the newborn child. He says that some of his clients have told him that they are struggling with forming a bond with the baby shortly after their birth. He says that the emotional connection eventually develops over time, but many fathers are surprised that it's not something that happens naturally from the beginning.
The abundance of new responsibilities and routines that have to be performed by new parents can leave them sleep deprived and socially isolated. These result in feelings such as anger and frustration that need to be addressed and expressed in a healthy manner. Men have a tendency to bottle up their emotions, only for them to lash out later on at an inopportune time. Feelings like shame and frustration often felt by new fathers could be unintentionally directed toward their child, partner, or family members.
A growing family can change the relationship and communication dynamics of the couple, and these could lead to some previously undiscussed issues boiling up to the surface. Changing responsibilities can also lead to a lack of physical and emotional intimacy, causing feelings of being neglected between partners. Therapy can help couples sort out these issues and allow partners to work out their problems in a healthy way.
“Men can have trouble identifying the core issue of grief and loss that comes along with new fatherhood. With the arrival of the baby, the new dad can no longer go out on a Friday evening to hang out with the guys. There's definitely a loss of freedom, which leads to emotions such as grief. Although it's mostly associated with death, people can still feel grief when faced with major life changes, and they need help in processing that,” Braman says.
“I also became a new father a little more than two years ago, and it's been quite challenging, with many significant life changes that my wife and I had to navigate together. However, these difficulties can be managed with the help of professional support. A lot of these challenges can weigh on new parents, and especially maybe new dads who don't really know how to manage these emotions in relationship situations. But, what I can say is that the new journey has totally been worth it and I am proud to share in the load of parenting responsibilities with my wife. We are absolutely overjoyed with love, and our hearts explode every day.”
Media contact:
Name: Matthew Braman, LCSW, LCSW-C, Founder and CEO of Verve Psychotherapy
Email: [email protected]
