Listening is a core component of communication which is a key aspect of human interaction. Listening is the foundational skill of life, due to its wide-range benefits and immense emotional power. Effective listening is the only way a person can understand another human in order to foster a healthy relationship with them. Furthermore, mastering the science of listening can help enhance relationships, assist a person in making relevant contributions to issues while building empathy. Additionally, effective listening is one of the most important attributes of great leaders. Leaders are expected to understand the needs of their subordinates, so as to help them become more productive and efficient.
A poor listener usually turns out to be a poor learner, and consequently, can indeed become a poor person. However, many people are unaware of the efficacy of listening. This explains the level of growing tensions and apprehensions between people in relationships, communities, countries and even races. Organizations also suffer the consequences of poor listening habits. These organizations fail to realize the benefits of listening, which include better staff morale, effective performance, high productivity, and longer-lasting customer relationships.
In addition, listening is the key to intimacy. A person who’s bad at listening will most likely be bad at having lasting intimacy with another person. Deep emotional listening is the secret to building intimacy and emotional safety in relationships.
Many people believe listening is hard to learn. In reality, listening is a skill that can be cultivated, practiced and perfected by anyone in a matter of weeks with proper training.
Effective listening is supported by recent brain scanning studies. These studies show how the human brain responds positively to proper listening. When listening to feelings rather than words, emotional circuits in the brain are diminished while the prefrontal cortex is activated, calming anger in seconds.
Doug Noll is a lawyer turned peacemaker who has mediated thousands of conflicts and disputes. He opines that courts are not well suited for many types of conflicts. According to Noll, there are many court cases more easily resolved by paying attention to what the parties have to say.
“After 20 years as a trial lawyer I realized that, while the legal system has its strengths, it also has many weaknesses. One of its weaknesses is that courts are not designed to handle many of the kinds of conflicts that people bring to it. Since people can't manage their own conflicts, they hire a lawyer. They end up with an unhappy result after paying high legal fees’’
‘’As an example, I was mediating a very difficult high conflict case in California. A divorced couple was arguing over an $18,000 problem and spent $50,000 in attorney fees. They were at eachothers throats. I had them listen to and reflect each other's emotions, and something magical happened. Suddenly, the ex-husband started sobbing and said to the ex-wife This is the first time you’ve listened to me in 25 years. They walked out holding each other's hands and went to lunch. It was indeed magical,” he explains.
Noll says most aggrieved people only want to be validated and heard. He advocates the use of Type-2. According to Noll, Type-2 listening focuses attention on the speaker and understanding their perspective, unlike the Type-1 listening that focuses on the listener and what they aim to derive from what is being said.
‘’In Type-2 listening, we are validating the speaker's feelings by making the speaker feel heard. I call this ‘Listening Others Into Existence’. We validate them and their emotional experiences.
When we do that, we build intimacy, trust and emotional safety. By doing this, angry people calm down, grieving people heal and bitter people become sweet again. Anybody experiencing intense emotions calms down and they're grateful that you've taken the time to be present with them’’.
Noll helps people develop emotional competence, compassion, and inner peace no matter how intense the situation by helping them understand how to use the power of listening.
Media Contact:
Name: Douglas E Noll JD, MA
Email: [email protected]
